Healthy Habit or Mental Illness?

I am a long distance Runner. It is may favorite activity. I am currently working to get back into shape after having my last baby. I can do a 20 mile long run and am working to average 50 miles per week. I look forward to training, and eventually racing. I love to race and I love to win.

Imagine my surprise when, in the process of learning about anxiety disorders, I learned that Aerobic exercise can be a treatment for most types of anxiety disorders.

Diane Van Deren is an ultrarunner who wasl also afflicted with epilepsy. She was able to have a surgery and has since had no seizures, but before claimed that Running would prevent her seizures. A part of her brain was damaged and part of her disability was her compulsion to run. Apparently after her surgery she tried to do laps up and down the halls in the hospital. She is now healthy and runs to raise money for epilepsy charities. If she were never epileptic one would guess she would not be such an ultrarunner.

Many former smokers become runners. The theory is that the feel-good dopamine released by smoking can also be accessed through intense exercise. Hence former addicts develope a new, albeit less harmful habit.

From this I surmise that Ultrarunning can be caused by a brain abnormality. It can also be used to mitigate the ravages of anxiety disorders.

Is my running really a fun activity or a brain-altering drug to which I am addicted??? Perhaps, Like Diane Van Deren I have some brain damage that compells me to run run run! Was my Mom correct when she said "only crazy people run marathons"?

Before I sign up for therapy or retire to a dreary life of 5k funruns, I will take a wider angle to this picture. There are a lot of runners. Some are crazy. Most are normal. All of them reap benefits from their physical activity. The crazies and semi-crazies attract attention so they get alot of coverage. Normal people (like me?) are invisible.

What if I am being compelled by a latent anxiety disorder to run and exercise everyday? 4-12 percent of the adult population suffers form an anxiety disorder. It may very well be true of me. If this is in fact the case for me, that I have some generalized anxiety problem, then my running is in effect the treatment.

Running enriches my life. On a typical day I put the kids in a stroller, jog 1-3 miles to a park, play, read, eat and stretch for an hour or more, then return home. I love this life. My kids go outdoors a lot. We save money on gas (which we spend on running shoes). I firmly believe that the way I live is wonderful, healthy, and happy. We are all so happy. How can my happy life be wrong?

Last of all, everything we do is caused or effected. No man is an island unto himself. My passion in life right now is a Boston Qualifying marathon. It sounds like fun, and I am going for it. Perhaps this drive is caused by my great character and upbringing, Or maybe my brain is predisposed to LOVE RUNNING.
Either way, the action is good. The causation is not so important.
I feel the same way about my marriage; Perhaps I didn't get married for "all the right reasons" however the 9 ensuing years have been great and define the current relationship. The ends is more important than the means.

in the words of Bon Jovi, "Tramps like us baby we were born to run"